Tuesday, May 24, 2011

God Pursues Us

But Jonah ran away from the LORD Jonah 1:3

I was so confused, so angry, so depressed.  Everything in my life had turned upside down.  For years, I’d worked to make my life better, but despite all I did, nothing changed.  Maybe they never would.

Having grown up in the church, I knew God was all-powerful, and all-knowing. So the disability threw me into a tailspin, spiritually.  “If you’re all-powerful, and all-knowing, why would You let this happen?  Why didn’t you prevent me from having a stroke?” I asked. It didn’t make any sense.  Instead, it made me angry. 

I pulled away from God.  Though I continued to attend church, I checked out mentally—unable to make myself listen to anything He might have to say to me.   Week after week, month after month.  The more time passed, the further I got from Him. 

But God didn’t let me go.  He used the height of the storm to make me return to Him, just as He did with Jonah.  Having hit bottom, both emotionally and spiritually, I nearly threw it all away.  And that scared me.  My faith was my lifeline.  If I let that go, I had nothing left. Risking potential ridicule or rejection, I talked to a close friend, sharing some emotions I’d locked deep inside that threatened to destroy me. 

Thankfully, she listened and showed that she cared.  Over and over, she was there for me.  She pointed me to others who took me further along the path of healing.  It was long road, full of twists and turns, but I took one step at a time. Over time, with the help of others, I reached the point where my relationship with God was restored. 

I had to make a choice.  I could’ve remained in my self-protective, isolating cocoon, avoiding potential disapproval from others.  It would’ve been the easy way out.  But I’d have missed the growth and healing God had for me.  I had to take a risk for God to work in me. In the process, He drew me back to Himself and showed me He’ll never let me go, even when I try to run away.  


Edie Melson said...

Great post - Thanks for the reminder! I love your blog - you're doing a great job.

Ellen Andersen said...

Thanks Edie.

Celeste said...

YEA! So glad you started a blog! I'm still struggling on this one. Your voice comes through so powerfully in your words. You are well on your way. With everything we write, we learn more and more about writing, and about ourselves. Let's keep learning together!

Ellen Andersen said...

Thanks Celeste. And you're right. The more I write, the more I learn.

Carol Anne Wright Swett said...

Ellen, I didn't get a chance to talk to you at the breakfast but look forward to seeing you this month! I've added you to my blog roll and look forward to seeing how you progress. I started one after the conference as well and look forward to being iron sharpening iron!

See you soon!
Carol Anne

Beth K. Fortune said...

Great reminder for us all Ellen!